When learning how to text girls, rather than asking “What to text a girl?” you should ask “What NOT to text a girl?”
I follow this rule: “Less is more.” That means keeping text messages short and to the point. Don’t write novels through text.
Remember, the whole idea is to get her to meet with you. Once you’re sleeping together, you can text her your life story and it won’t matter. But in the beginning, saying something “weird” could mean the difference between mind-blowing sex and never seeing her again.
Don’t Over-Text
Most guys try to text themselves attractive. If she was attracted enough to give you her phone number, and to reply to your text, why screw it up by saying something weird?
The more you text her, the higher your chances of saying something weird.
I have friends who show me their amazing texting skills. Long, witty novels and the girl going “Lol!” and “You’re so funny!” Yet I ask them, “Did you sleep with her yet?” Usually the answer is no.
As a general rule, you want to text her something that:
- Shows personality
- Causes her to invest
- Gets her to meet up
Show a little personality so she knows you’re a normal guy. It’s not hard – just text about something you did that day.
(This says you have a hobby and asks her to invest in the conversation.)
Or:
(This says you have a job and asks her to invest in the conversation.)
These are far better ways to text girls than being over-witty and under-sexy.
Don’t Text Yourself Attractive
If you have decent skill with women, she’ll already be interested in you. By showing her something from your life, and then asking a simple question, the sub-communication is “If you reply, it will encourage me to ask you out.”
This is the point of what to text a girl – to get her out on a date.
If you worry about what to text a girl, then you’re already in the wrong mindset. You should always assume she’s into you.
Here’s an example of a text where you assume she’s not into you and try to text yourself attractive by being witty.
Now, this definitely shows personality and attention to detail. There’s a chance it could make a girl laugh because you’re saying she looks like a bird. But in my experience, I’ve found that about 50% of women won’t get your humor. They’ll think: “This guy was charming, but his text is really weird. I just won’t reply.”
What TO text a girl?
It’s Okay to Be Boring
I’ll repeat this. It’s OKAY TO BE BORING via text.
Because if you made a good real-life first impression, then she’ll be eager to meet up, or she won’t. Unless you’re a literary genius, your texts won’t change her mind.
Chances are if you try to be witty, or funny, she won’t “get” your joke and you’ll come off as weird. Many of those "girl doesn't text back" scenarios you've encountered happened after you tried to be funny or interesting, right? It’s better to play it straight, and simple.
3 Steps for What to Text a Girl
1. The Opening Text
The opener shows a little personality and asks her to reply.
2. The Middle Text
The middle is where you banter a little. This entirely depends on her replies. If she’s heavily invested, it might look like this:
However, if she’s low-invested, her reply might look like this:
Or:
So she’s not asking any questions. She’s not investing. The only good news is that she’s replying. This is where most guys get stuck, asking what to text a girl who’s not invested.
For non-invested girls, you’ll need to be careful. I’ll get to that in a moment. First, here’s step three.
3. The Closing Text
She’s replying; she’s investing. Now it’s time to set up a date.
If you’re wondering what to text a girl in between the middle and the close, it depends on how invested she is. But the general rule is to play it safe, don’t be weird, and keep your texts simple and short. Just be a NORMAL guy, and don’t try too hard to be witty or funny. Save that for in person.
The closing text should look like this:
Or:
You could ask if she likes anything: coffee, tea, long walks, pasta, ice cream, art galleries.
You want her to say yes, preferably. Then follow up with
And hopefully she says she's free.
For those non-invested girls, you might need to chat longer. For more information on what to text a girl, read the other posts on my site!
For now, try to follow these three guidelines:
1. The Opener
It should show personality and ask for a reply. It’s a way to measure her interest.
2. The Middle
This should lead to a close. That’s it. It could be a series of five or six texts, or even fewer. But don’t try to be funny or witty. If she’s replying to you, just ask her out. Otherwise, you risk screwing it up by coming off as weird.
3. Closing
After the middle, go straight to asking for a date. It’s best to have an idea of what you want to do, whether that’s coffee, beers, or a trip to the mall. But have a time and a place, then ask. That’s it.
When texting a girl, don’t over think it. Just assume she likes you, and go for the date. If she says “No thanks” or doesn’t reply, it sucks for sure, but there are always more women out there. Good luck.